God's Not Dead: In God We Trust Did Not Convince Me to Become an Evangelical Christian

also, it sucks

I have a soft spot for Christian movies because they are overwhelmingly terrible, and I have devoted my life and my career to entertainment that is widely considered complete garbage. 

Christian movies tend to be not just bad but adorably inept because they set out to proselytize first and entertain a distant second. They invariably succeed in preaching to the converted but are failures when it comes to entertainment. 

He reminds me!

Out of a misplaced sense of religious devotion, Christians pretend that these are real movies and that sad has-beens like Scott Baio, Kevin Sorbo, Kirk Cameron, and Dean Cain are real stars. 

The Christian-Republican Cinema Complex has created “stars” of their own, like David A.R White. I put “stars” in quotation marks because talent and charisma-wise White would have difficulty securing extra work in non-Christian productions. 

White looks like the guy from Nickelback if he managed a Christian book store instead of traveling the world, delighting his fans with the gift of song. 

White’s main problem as an actor is that he has no talent. He’s not good at acting, but he’s equally inept at writing, directing, and producing. 

The wildly successful Christian movie professional has no magnetism, charisma, or discernible personality. That’s unfortunate, considering that the fourth sequel to 2014’s God’s Not Dead calls for the actor to be so exciting and dynamic that a political operative sees him in action and decides he MUST run for political office. 

Just as Reagan, the last Christian manifesto I saw for this newsletter, unconvincingly/appallingly asserted that the Blacklist was actually awesome, God’s Not Dead: In God We Trust argues unpersuasively that religion does belong in politics and church and state do not need to separate when they go together great. 

In God’s Not Dead: In God We Trust, Lottie (Samaire Armstrong) is so dazzled by a viral clip of Reverend Dave that she convinces him to run for Congress despite a lack of experience and interest. 

Who needs experience when you have God on your side? 

Lottie seems interested in Reverend Dave because he’s a devout, righteous Christian, but her primary advice as a political consultant seems to be to go easy on the whole “religion” thing to avoid spooking secular voters. 

The whole damn point of the God’s Not Dead series is that God is NOT dead, and people should shut the fuck up if they think He is no longer with us, and also that religion belongs in places where it does not belong, like school and politics. 

Lottie is motivated partially by an unshakeable belief that her client, a Wonder Bread with American cheese and mayo sandwich of a human being, has an important message that must be heard. 

But she’s also motivated by a complicated history with Wesley (Scott Baio), an evil, black-hearted schemer who works for incumbent Kane (Ray Wise). 

God’s Not Dead: In God We Trust takes place in a crazy alternate world where being a loud and proud Christian is a stance as bold as it is rare, and Christians are persecuted and discriminated against, not catered to endlessly on account of they possess most of the power in our country. 

In actuality, belonging to a religion, generally Christianity, is the price of entry for running for any office in the country beyond dog-catcher. The God’s Not Dead movies puzzlingly insist that we are a Christian country, and have always been a Christian country, and were founded on Christian values, but also are deeply hostile to Christians being involved in schools and government and schools and whatnot.

Kane isn’t just a proud atheist who, like all atheists, hates a God they don’t even believe in. He’s also hostile to all beliefs and all believers in a way that would render him unelectable outside the movie’s paranoid fantasy world. 

The earnest pastor with the nap-inducing rhetorical style squares off against Kane in a series of debates that allow the filmmakers to express their beliefs in a matter only slightly more cinematic than a lengthy op-ed in a Christian newspaper. 

One of the debates is a live podcast. This development feels like the product of the child of a crew member mentioning Joe Rogan and the production wanting to integrate this crazy new “podcast” fad into the proceedings in a way that doesn’t really make sense.  

Reverend Dave is too idealistic and pure for a rigged, dirty realm like politics; he gets tricked by the opposing side and has his integrity and morality challenged. 

God’s Not Dead: In God We Trust makes the mistake of putting words and ideas that are supposed to be transparently wrong and an unforgivable insult to Christians in the mouth of Wise, an actor with far more presence than the ostensible hero. 

Just as Courting Mom and Dad was an anti-divorce movie that accidentally made an excellent argument for divorce, God’s Not Dead: In God, We Trust unwittingly suggests that government should be protected from religion and not the other way around. 

Wise is supposed to be a figure of Satanic evil. He’s Leland Palmer after all, one of the all-time great creeps. Wise could have phoned it in here. Nobody would hold it against him. 

Instead, Wise REALLY commits to the role and its mustache-twirling villainy. For MAGA Christians, he’s something worse than the devil: a leftist who broadcasts his contempt for everything Christianity holds dear. 

Wise is too convincing. Though the soaring strings on the score are supposed to signal that Reverend Dave is right and convincing even God-hating Satanists with his passionate words of truth, he’s never remotely persuasive in his whining. 

I have a certain fondness for Christian movies because they’re godawful, and I love that shit. God’s Not Dead: In God, We Trust isn’t ostentatiously bad enough to be campy fun, but it’s never remotely good either. 

After suffering through Reagan and its faith-and-bullshit-based approach to history, I dreaded God’s Not Dead: In God We Trust, but it was relatively painless. 

It made me want to see Love On the Rock, White’s sole non-Christian vehicle. Also, I would love for the next film in the series to explore the idea of God being dead. God’s Not Dead: God’s Dead would be a real curveball for the franchise. It would blow squares’ minds. 

God’s Not Dead: In God We Trust wasn’t bad or good enough for me, but I really hope that I don’t have to see any more Christian or right-wing movies for a while. One of my patrons at Nathan Rabin’s Happy Place has floated the idea of me writing up Matt Walsh’s Am I Racist? But that might represent perhaps the only time in my nearly three-decade career that I’ve actually turned down writing about a film because it looks so bad. 

One Star out of Five